The Ralph Site

Many of you will know that I've been honoured to work with animals as they approach the end of their days with us. Always a very sad time to say goodbye, and when we bring animals into our homes and lives, that's the one thing we really don't want to be thinking about.

In recent months I've helped many cats with Reiki and intuitive communication at the end, helping both them, and their people to be at peace, and have held some as they've slipped away. I'm always very happy to accompany people to the vet at the end, if that will help.

Last year I became aware of a website that was set up by a vet called Shailen, when he was devastated to lose his cat Ralph. It's a beautiful space, full of practical help and advice that I'd say is essential before that final day. And then a page on which to write a loving memorial after they've gone. Additionally, lots of help and support to help with the grieving process.

Please have a look, and pass the link on to anyone you know who might find this useful or comforting.

http://www.theralphsite.com


This post is dedicated to the memory of TC, Pam, Sidney and Tilly - and many others who made the return journey over the rainbow bridge in the last few months.

Awakening to Animals - Inaugural Conference

I'm delighted to have been asked to be a helper at the inaugural Awakening to Animals Conference that takes place in the Lake District on 17/18 March. This will be an amazing opportunity to connect with other like-minded people who have so much love and respect for the animals with whom we share this planet. And plenty of expert speakers to share their knowledge and wisdom.

More information, and booking form, can be found in this link: http://awakeningtoanimals.com/

Early bird booking discount applies until 17th February. Look forward to seeing you there.

Bruce's Story

Dylan came to live with us in October 2010, and it wasn’t
long after that a stray started visiting. His timing was all wrong – if he’d come a little sooner, I would probably have taken him in. I’d always felt that Bella would struggle with another cat, but she took to Henry (a stray, adopted by a neighbour), and has no problem when Jussi from across the road visits. So, when I met Dylan I knew immediately he’d be right. Although we do still have some challenges – a story for another time…….

So, this black and white cat turns up, and I felt sure he was a stray. He seemed to be around all the time, always hungry, out in all weathers. And he’d not been neutered. It’s usually a sign of a stray or abandoned cat, but I have been coming across some cats who live with people and aren’t neutered. Another post for another time…….

He was very shy. He’d eat the food I’d put out, but would almost be running away from me when I put the bowl down, then returning after I’d gone inside again. This went on for some time, and it really was clear that he didn’t have a home of his own. At one point he must have had a fight with another cat as one day he turned up with a nasty injury under his right eye. I really wanted to get him to the vet to have his eye seen to, to have him neutered, and get his shots. But it was taking a long time to build up any trust and he was still running away, only eating his food once I’d gone inside.

I continued to keep a close eye on him, and as the summer arrived and the weather got a little better, I worried less about him being out in the freezing cold. In time he began to warm to me. I’d put his bowl closer to the back door and stay there while he came back to eat, not moving, not
giving him any cause for concern. I’ve learnt from the many feral and other scared cats I’ve taken care of that it’s got to be on their terms, and very slowly too.

Once he’d got used to me being there, and feeling quite safe with it, I decided I’d see if he’d let me stroke him. Many cats will allow you to do that while they’re eating. It’s mostly to do with association – ie eating is nice, and so I feel nice when you stroke me while I’m eating. Something like that. Things moved quite quickly from then on. He found he loved being stroked, and while he was still a little skittish – a sudden move or noise and he’d be off – he began coming up to me for strokes, rubbing his head in my hand, and even jumping up to my hand. He’d wrap himself around my legs, trailing his tail there too. He began talking too – lovely little chirrups.

He was turning into a gorgeous character, a gentle and friendly cat with lots of love to give. By then it was hard not to give him a name. Don’t know where it came from but he became Bruce. He had a good appetite, and some days would eat maybe 5 pouches and some dry food. But of course, living rough, he’d need more food, and I wanted to make sure he kept his strength up and was as fit and well as he could possibly be. I felt that by now he’d be able to go to the vet. I’d been able to pick him up and he had no problem with it. So made an appointment for one day – and of course it was the day he didn’t show!

Being a stray meant that although he lived in my garden much of the time, he did wander around the neighbourhood, and there were some days I didn’t see him – not many but now and again. And this was one of them. Had another couple of goes on other days, but the same thing happened. He knew, of course!!

As Autumn approached I became concerned and didn’t want him to be spending another Winter outside. I had a little shelter in the garden (borrowed from the sanctuary for when I had visiting hedgehogs), which he’d taken to using. It was filled frequently with fresh straw to be as warm as possible, and it was tucked in by the fence in the most sheltered position I could find. It was by no means perfect, but I knew that he knew he had somewhere safe and dry to go, and he did spend a lot of time in there.

The boys next door were talking about perhaps adopting a cat, so I tried to persuade them to take him in. Trouble was, they’re renting the house, so needed to get permission from the owner – and also wanted to wait until after Christmas. It became clear though that this wasn’t going to happen. From time to time I’d contacted local rescues to see if they had space and could take him in, but they always seemed to be full. If he’d not had my garden to live in, and somewhere safe and dry and a ready supply of good quality food I’d have worried more, but he was coping. From time to time I would bring him into the house for a warm, and he’d go and play with Bella and Dylan’s toys. He would also love sitting on the chair by the radiator in the kitchen. But we couldn’t keep him in for long as Bella and Dylan would get visibly and audibly anxious. He was so good with them though, just kept himself to himself, didn’t ever go for them – and they left him alone too.

Now and again I’d toy with the idea that he could live in the house with us, but I knew it was just too small for 3 cats, and Bella and Dylan told me that they wouldn’t be happy. It wouldn’t have been fair to any of them. He seemed to be thriving, doing so well, really coming out of himself, and his fur was really quite shiny!! Of course, in all this time, he’d been receiving Reiki from me, and I know that will have been helping him in so many ways.

One day in January, I was in Facebook – someone had posted that it was such a cold day there were happy their cats were snug in the warm. I echoed those sentiments, but noted that it wasn’t so nice for those cats who didn’t have a warm home and were stuck out in the cold. And I mentioned Bruce. The next thing, a lady responded, wanting to know more about him. The page I’d been on was that of a local cat rescue, and she was one of their fans, and had adopted from them recently – so I knew that she would be absolutely fine. We got to talking and as they say, the rest is history!

I had leafleted in my neighbourhood a couple of times before, but thought I should do so again, just to make absolutely certain that no-one thought he lived with them. Would have been surprised, and rather shocked frankly, if someone had claimed him – they were hardly taking care of him!!

After posters on lampposts and a post on our forum, still no-one had come forward, so we fixed Tuesday as the day I’d take him to his new home. It wasn’t without a little drama, as of course that was another day he chose not to come round. I went to look for him, and did find him, but he ran off a couple of times, so left it thinking that we’d perhaps have to try another day. Got on with my day, did some work, went shopping, and then about 1.30 popped into the kitchen to see him in the garden eating food I’d left out. I opened the door and he hopped inside – a little anxiously I have to say; I’m sure he picked up on my energy. After a few strokes and cuddles to settle us both, I picked him up, put him in the carrier, and we were on our way to his new home in Wales.

It’s so beautiful, lots of fields and hills to wander around in when he goes out again, with geese and chickens outside too! When we got him into his room and let him out of the carrier he was straight up onto the windowsill, and his face was a picture. He was still very friendly with me, and with Claire, his new mum too when she offered him her hand. She is so lovely and I know they will both love each other very much.

I’ve heard how he’s doing a couple of times since Tuesday, and he seems to be settling in very well. He’s had his eye seen to, and is being neutered next week. Was good as gold at the vet. And he’s taken to sleeping on the radiator!! I miss him being around, but that’s completely overridden by my pleasure at the thought that he’s no longer living rough, in the cold, in my garden. He has a warm, cosy, loving new home with a radiator!! And lots of land with geese and chickens!! I’m thrilled to bits for him.

Oh, and he’s not Bruce any more – he’s Billy now……….

Cats and tuna

Cats just love their tuna don't they? Well, perhaps not....... It's one of those myths that's developed over the years, much like cats loving their milk. And it's since become so much of a cliche that many people believe it. They might like tuna and milk but their digestive systems often don't!!

Think about it...... cats are originally desert animals; where on earth would they and their digestive systems have learnt to deal with tuna, or any other fish? It certainly appeals to them - their diets tend to be protein rich - but it has to be the right sort of protein.

I even fell into the trap of believing that it would be ok. Bella was never that bothered, but every now and again she'd enjoy a little tuna as a special treat. Then one day she got sick. In fact, 3 days of vomiting and the runs. Poor thing was clearly very distressed, as was I, so I took her to the vet to see if there was anything wrong. They asked me about her diet, and I explained she'd had some tuna over a period of 2-3 days - once I'd opened a tin I'd want to finish it!!

The vet felt that this might be irritating her digestive system - hers is rather sensitive! - and explained to me that the protein in tuna is really the wrong sort of protein for many cats. I cut out all fish products, and also red meat for a few days (also the wrong sort of protein), and pretty much stuck to chicken and bland foods. And very quickly she returned to normal. Since then I've not given her any tuna, and only infrequently give her any cat food that contains fish or red meat products. That was 6 months ago, and the problem hasn't returned.

The other day, I was meeting a new cat and her family for the first time. They explained that she has to have tablets as she's been diagnosed as hyper-thyroid, and to help her, they are giving the tablets wrapped in some tuna. I explained that this tuna might upset her system, and they then said they were wondering why she seemed to have an upset tummy recently. They'd thought it might be the tablets, but are going to try to give the tablets without tuna to see if the problem resolves itself.

I work with so many cats who have very sensitive digestive systems and are on vet diets with bland food. It can seem boring for them, but it means that they are more likely to have happy digestive systems. But there are ways you can make even this diet a little more interesting - so just ask your vet for ideas. We are so used to living with our cats as members of our families that we can sometimes forget that they are built very differently to us. Our digestive systems have evolved very differently to theirs, and can tolerate a much wider range of food than our cat friends can.

Or you could have a cat like Dylan who will and does eat almost everything!!! Even the bread crusts I throw out for the birds!!! But I can always tell if he's eaten something that's not right for him - the next time I check his litter tray!

Brush brush brush!!!

Spring is definitely on its way now, and all the cats I go to visit are shedding hair madly!! Bella has a very thick fluffy coat, so come this time of year, I'm forever sweeping up cat hairs, and now Dylan's joined in.

Now, Bella has always loved her brush, and we're getting Dylan used to it too - although he sees it as more of a plaything, something to be bitten and chewed on!! Through the winter our brushing regime has slackened off a little, but we're now back to daily brushes. And so needed!!!

Brushing is great for so many reasons. First of all, it gathers up all the loose hairs, so that when cats groom they're not having to swallow too many. So fewer fur balls. Secondly, it's great for their skin. It will stimulate the blood vessels under the surface and also encourage production of sebum, which keeps the skin and coat naturally moisturised. Spending winter mostly indoors, in a warm, dry house means that the skin can get very dry. I've noticed that Bella has a lot of dandruff at the moment.

And thirdly - and what I think is the best reason - it's the most lovely way to bond with your cat again. When they love being brushed, they'll love you forever. Just looking at the big smile on Bella's face while I'm brushing her is worth a thousand words.

It's a good idea to get your cat used to being brushed from an early age - that way they get very used to it, and look forward to their regular brushing sessions. But some don't like it - and it's likely to be because of the way a brush has been wielded in their past. If they've been forced, held down, it will have bad feelings for them. Such a shame when this has the potential to be so pleasurable for them.

But even then, I find it's easy to get a cat used to it, and to love being brushed. If any of the cats I look after have brushes, I always give them a good brush when I visit. Some are a little anxious, so it's important it's done on their terms. A good way to do this is just to present the brush to them, put it near their face. Let them sniff it, and come towards it. Chances are that they will then rub their faces in the bristles. You know how cats love the sides of their faces and their ears being rubbed? Well this is the same.

Just keep holding the brush, don't actively brush, just let them get used to this, and build up nice feelings about the brush. It might take a few sessions just doing this, but in time you'll be able to gently brush their body. It's important though that this is still gentle, and if they show signs of being uncomfortable with it, just let them rub their face on it again. With cats patience in most things does pay off, so take this on your cat's terms. Eventually they'll come to love their brush, and may even do what Bella does, and shout at me for her daily brushing!!!

Amazing Felix!

This time last year was very sad. I'd been looking after 16 year old brothers, Oscar and Felix for a couple of years, and I turned up one day to find that Oscar had passed away. It wasn't a bad age, and he'd had a lovely life, but all the same, it's very upsetting. It was fortunate that that day I was fairly quiet, so was able to re-organise things, and stayed with Felix all day until his mum was able to get back from where she was working in London.

Poor Felix was very clingy, didn't understand what had happened, and was very distressed. He soaked up all the Reiki from my hands and heart and we used Bach Flowers to help him too.

The next few days, his mum worked from home and the two of them just spent all their time almost stuck to each other - they both needed healing from the other one. One day Kath had to go back to work in London, so I resumed coming to take care of Felix. We made changes to his schedule - as he was on his own, I'd stay for long visits, which we both got to love.

While Oscar had been around they'd both been quiet cats, and used to spend a lot of time together, even grooming each other after 16 years! They'd often both try to squeeze onto my lap at the same time (and they're not small cats!), but really they were just happy with each other's company.

But we started to notice changes in Felix after the first couple of months. And this has gone on and on, and a year later, it's like he's a different cat. He now has lots of toys that he runs around after like a kitten, and is very talkative and interactive. Some days he's a little quieter, but others he's very lively. Out of the two brothers he was always the most extrovert, but not very - whereas now he's extremely outgoing and friendly.

It's almost like he's come out of his shell, or Oscar's shadow. I'm sure he missed his brother at first, and I did worry for a while how he'd cope. But I really didn't need to. And now at the grand old age of 17, he's doing brilliantly!! Love you Felix!!

PS - I do have pictures somewhere! When I find one I'll add it to the top of this post.

Dylan comes to stay

I'd often thought that Bella might want a playmate - she's very interactive, talks a lot and is into everything. I'd thought now and again that she got a little lonely or bored while I was out seeing other cats. So, every now and then I'd think "does Bella need a little friend?". This was difficult, as she's also a bit of a princess, and had got used to having me to herself for over 4 years.

She'd also not shown too much affection with other cats that came around, until Henry started visiting, and more recently Jussi from across the road. She'd happily tolerate both cats in the garden, and would even roll over on her back in front of them. She was still a little nervous though, as, if they got too close they'd get a warning hiss. But I'd started to think, perhaps......

Still wasn't thinking about this particularly seriously though, until one day at Animals in Distress I met a lovely boy kitten, about 4-5 months old. Now, I must have picked up and cuddled hundreds of cats in the time I've been visiting, and now and again, I'd wonder if any of them could come home to stay with us. But not until I held this little boy did I feel that any of them could be the one.

He felt very gentle, with lovely soft energy, and I found the words "I'd be good for Bella" floating around in my head somewhere. I trusted my intuition on this. I knew that if I thought for too long I'd talk myself out of it. I realised that there was a huge risk this might not work, but if I didn't try, I'd never know.

So, Dylan came home to live with us a few days later - now about 3 months ago. He lived in a little puppy pen in the corner of the lounge for a little while, so that Bella could get used to him, and he had somewhere of his own to feel safe. Every now and again I'd take him out for cuddles, and let Bella sniff him.

On that first day, when Bella first saw him, she was most unimpressed! I picked up thoughts of "what's that doing there?". She was clearly very upset and confused, so I needed to be sure I spent lots of time with her reassuring her over the next few weeks. I knew that this would all take time - as long as it needed to - this is something that can't be hurried. And I knew that I could either help or hinder the process. Patience was needed from me, as well as making sure my energy was always helpful for both of them. There were times that Bella was so upset I was in tears too! We've got through loads of Feliway, and Bach Flowers have been enormously helpful too.

She's a bright and intelligent girl, and I could tell she was trying to learn to deal with this. There were times she was genuinely interested, and there were thaws, even though the next day it often felt like we'd retreated a couple of steps again.

After a few weeks - when I knew it felt right - I started to let Dylan out of the pen to find his way around the house. The first time, he chased Bella up the stairs! Since then he's not stopped chasing her, and somehow the little gentle being I first met seems to have completely disappeared. Then, I'd leave him out all day, even when I was out, but he'd go back in the pen to sleep at night, until eventually I judged it was right to do away with it all together.

So far, it's been tough at times, certainly fun at others, as well as both interesting and challenging. Now and again, if I'm honest I do still get the odd day where I wonder whether I did the right thing. But they are mostly getting on very well now - it's lovely to see them both fast asleep on chairs next to each other in the kitchen, and now and again they'll touch noses. As long as he's being well behaved and quiet Bella does seem really happy to have him around. And he idolises her! Which is probably why he doesn't leave her alone. And of course, despite the fact that he's now bigger than she is, he is still only 8-9 months old - I'm sure that he'll calm down as he grows up.